alive

Stuck in the past,
feeling old.

Seems like I've wasted all my youth
on things that I've never finished.

Feeling late
for everything that is worth
and early
for the only thing that is certain.

Dropped the ball
just as things was about to go right.
If things are never going to have a chance to be right again,
then what's left?

The fact that I am alive is,
per se,
better than expected,
but it is no more than that.

I am alive, and that is all.
That is all.

¿Quién Es Esa Niña?

I once knew a girl that felt like Madonna in "Who's that girl" video clip. Both the blonde one and the brunnete. Because she didn't look like Madonna, she felt like her. Like she could be rock both styles. That laid out, independent, funny way of being. A plastic girl with hidden feelings.

About Last Night [3]

We were at the city hall, walking around the block.
We were close as if we were one.
I asked "Can we do something next weekend?"
You said "I can't"
I asked "Can't or won't?"
You said "Both."
Then you looked down,
slightly removed your glasses
and dried your eyes corners.
"I can't" - you repeated - "It's my mom's birthday, a friend of hers is coming."
I said "Is that one that I know?"
"Yes" you replied.
We kissed.
"We can't because it will be the main streamline, right?" I asked, as if it made any sense.
"Yes" you confirmed.

I woke up.

One-Way Friendship

Eu, sentado no banco da praça:
Passam tantos e tantos desejos de contato.
Contatos que eu mesmo poderia iniciar,
mas o futuro se lembra de mim,
ri, e me trava:
Pensar nas possibilidades do tanto faz
me faz rir desesperado
do quanto já tentei me doar em vão.
HA HA HA HA HA

Lembro quando íamos a lugares
há tanto tempo, tanto tempo atrás
que talvez já nem existam mais.

Lembro quando eu tentei ser mais e,
tratado como o que deveria,
voltei ao meu lugar.

Lembro quando tentei merecer.
Parece que não sei merecer.

AAAA Batteries

Estávamos na sala de aula.

- Vamos subir lá, preciso pegar um negócio - ela disse.

Subimos.
Lá em cima havia uma loja de bugigangas com uma senhora asiática e uma moça que parecia parte da administração.

- Você viu que já chegaram os novos crachás? - disse a moça - Estão ali.

Olhei para os novos crachás e eles pareciam ter qualidade inferior aos atuais.

- Não querem comprar umas baterias? Olha essa, é rara - disse a asiática, mostrando um pacote de pilhas AAAA.
- Nossa. A-A-A-A. Onde usa isso? - não sabia que existiam pilhas nesse formato.
- Ah, acho que tenho alguma coisa aqui que usa - a senhora se abaixou atrás do balcão e começou a procurar algo em uma caixa cheia de quinquilharias. Ela pinça de lá um leque de veludo. - Isso aqui!

Ao ligar o leque, ele começa a se flexionar e deflexionar.

- Parece uma minhoca no sol. Onde vão as pilhas? - perguntei
- Aqui. - ela tenta abrir um zíper na vara do leque, que emperra.

Ripped Pants

Yet another pair of pants
must go to the trash can.
It has the pockets ripped,
doesn't hold anything anymore (as if ever did).
The locals that stand out depresses me.

About Last Night [2]

There is a party on a classic hall.
I have my guitar with me.
Someone is paying shots for everybody, so I take two.
They go down smoothly, as it were just water.
But they were not.

Eventually, I go outside for a smoke and someone closes the doors.
I slam them, and then a friend opens them back for me.

Then, a bunch of girls appeared,
but I am invisible to them.
Until I remove my cap, revealing my discolorated hair.

Then, a petite redheaded girl approaches
and asks whether she can have a piece of my phone number.
I say "eighty six" (which is part of my real phone).

She looks at me, waiting for the rest.

Someone screams that a lion is loose on the party.

Everybody starts running, and I can see the lion on the distance.

I find a bathroom and lock myself in.

There is a window there, from where I can see outside.

I cannot see the lion anymore.

Then, I see a famous someone (famous on the dream only, probably)
sending a voice message via WhatsApp.

He is saying that the lion is a fake.
And that made sense to me.

I leave the bathroom to try to find the redhead.
As I am walking on the direction that she ran,
I end up on what looks like a train station.
There is a bunch of the people that was on the party before,
but not her.

In the end, I am on the city that I was born.
I am on my aunt's house, and she is there (She died of cancer).
Then, I am on a small house that my dad have (on my dreams only),
but he is not there.

I am bicicling around the entrance of the city,
and I see some banners that pay homage to a suicided musician
as if he was born there (He was not).

I wake up,
late for work.

About Last Night

I was awake and ready to leave for work at 5 am.
I look at the clock without getting up.

Suddenly, I'm on the bathroom, and I look at myself, in the mirror.
My feet is touching the ground.
I have rashes around my genital area.
The sky is still dark.

I am suddenly driving to work.
I see a construction zone, on the road, and try to swerve the car to the left.
The car looses contact with the ground, and everything starts spinning.
I see the world over the car,
then below it,
then over it,
then below it.

Then the car stops rolling, on its relaxed position: wheels down, roof up, as it should be.
I exit the car,
unharmed.

Three of the wheels are being supported by
three
mounds
of dirt.

All of them are pretty damaged.

The fourth wheel is suspended.
It is not touching the ground.
It has no damages.

I look at the tires.

All of them are flat, but the one suspended.

I am unharmed.
My feet is touching the ground.

I wake up,
late for work.